Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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