I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
