You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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