I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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