so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
