I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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