Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
