Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
