I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
