I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
