Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
