Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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