So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
