Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is Oprah even human
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
