You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
