I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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