and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
