I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
