somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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