margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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