yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
