it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Will you blow on my dice?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize