i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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