"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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