sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
