OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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