i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize