this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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