walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
sex in a hospital.. check
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
