She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
