Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize