you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
