if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We left an ass print on the piano.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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