I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
