I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
