I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
