By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
