he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
