it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My vagina is officially offended.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
