The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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