is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
where are my pants?
in the oven.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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