she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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