I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
