He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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