That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
