I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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