so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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