The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
