You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
