ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
