I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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