Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
