So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
