i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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