Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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