Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
