I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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