Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
