I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
