the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
