I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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