It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
