I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
