The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
