Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
