she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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