the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
