I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
