There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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