you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
