closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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