He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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