Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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